I might not know a lot, but what I do know is that He knows best!
In the last few weeks He has shown me that He will answer the desires and dreams of His children's hearts but it will be in His time and for His glory.
Here's my theory-When you walk with Him and listen to Him daily, He begins to plant certain desires in our hearts. It could be that He's calling you to witness to a certain person, He might be calling you to go feed the homeless, or serve in some ministry at your church or go overseas and plant churches. Whatever the desires might be, if you're walking with Him you'll know that they are from Him. Now here's the tricky part.... sometimes we confuse the given desires with "I must fulfill this desire right now." I call this "a clueless traveler." Why "clueless" you might ask. Well just because God plants the desires in you, it doesn't mean you have it all to fulfill it right now. It takes a while. You want to feed the homeless? well you gotta plan it out. Where you want to serve? What is the plan? How are you getting there? What is the purpose? These questions apply to practically anything you want to do in life. Now, I'm not a fan of planning things, I'd rather just wing it, and see what happens. But sometimes it is just not enough.
So here is what I think- The Lord planted the idea in my mind, He gave me the desire to care for the orphans- He planted the desire in my heart to go overseas, to be out there- not so I can have something to talk about, but to go out there with one single purpose-To make Him known. What I consider an "orphan" is someone who does not have a mom or a dad, and looking back on my life, I did not have a mom or a dad until I was 12 years old. So the reason why I have the desire to care for the orphans is just that- I want the little kids to be cared for, and most importantly i want them to know that they have a Father, that they are not orphans. They, as we all do, have a Father who cares for them so much, who can satisfy every need! Why overseas? I don't know, maybe because God created me with a heart that longs for adventure...the kind that has a purpose. =)
Just yesterday i finally snapped out of my bad mood that i've been in for the past month and realized that just because nothing is moving along, it is perfectly fine. God planted the desire in my heart to be a missionary for His glory, it will happen, He will fulfill it, but its going to take time. I've got a lot of growing up to do! I'm only a child, I don't want to go out there, with the little knowledge i have of the world. I want to be prepared for whatever comes, and quiet frankly right now, I am not prepared a bit. Like i said in my last post, I don't know the language, I don't know Indonesian culture, or any culture for that matter..besides Russian; and who knows maybe knowing the Russian culture along with the language will be an advantage in the future...I don't know, maybe in the future I'll go back to Russia with my husband and kids, and plant a church there, or an orphanage, or a crisis center for whoever. I don't know, But ALL I KNOW IS THAT HE KNOWS BEST!
He knew best to stop my wishful thinking! He knew best to continue to close the doors for Indonesia this time, but I know that He did that so that I can see the doors more clearly and go right ahead and push them wide open. With His strength I can open any door!
I think that God is doing a lot in my heart and although i was mad and ashamed of my foolishness, God opened my eyes and once again humbled me.
I know I'm supposed to be a missionary, just not now, not on my watch, but on His. As in for now, He gave me a desire and a dream, I don't have to fulfill it now, but i certainly can work towards it! =)
Guys just remember the three little words and an exclamation point....He knows best!