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Spiritual bums

Lately I've been realizing that I am a lazy bum! Yes, I am willing to admit to it. Most people don't like to be called "lazy bums," they get all defensive and make up excuses...save your breath hun, you're a lazy bum!
Now please understand, I'm not talking about being physically lazy..couch potato's..no no...i mean spiritual lazy bums! Quite frankly, I am a busy body! Honestly, I am always doing something...im shopping, out with friends, family nights, reading, playing my guitar, doing chores, rollerblading...I'm a busy body. So physically, I wouldn't call myself a couch potato, however i would call myself a spritual couch potato, a spiritual bum! Lately I've been feeling like I'm under some sort of attack, I feel like something is in my way...I see what I want to acomplish, what kind of person I want to be, what I want to see myself doing, how I want myself to act, what I want myself to know...but something is in my way, blocking my vision, i feel the resistance. I feel like I'm pushing and pushing, but something is pushing right back at me...natural human reaction? give up.
That's exactly what I have done. For the past few weeks, although I have been seeing God's truths, realizing what He is doing in my life, seeing His awesomeness...yet still chosing to just sit and watch the play...not playing any roles.
Because I felt like there is really no point of pushing through these blocks I decided to become a bum...while keeping busy. Let me tell you something- I don't like it. I don't like not feeling God's presence, I don't like the feeling of walking dead, I don't like to feel useless, I don't like living with no goals, no motivation, no persistance. I miss my Father.

The funny thing is...He hasn't left me, He hasn't let go of me, I have.

I've been angry with myself, because time and time again God shows me how small I am...its like "ok, God i know, thanks!" While its frustrating, i know i need it.

For the past three days I've been clinging to the Word, listening to John Piper and Greg Laurie, I've been listening to praise music, to get back on track, to clear my vision, to remind myself what my purpose is in life.
Music makes me happy, God's melodies make me exstatic.
What God has been showing me is that the reason why I haven't been seeing clearly and why I am not motivated to do anything in life is because I've been losing the battle, I've basically put my sword down and stopped fighting. What the heck?! I've been spiritually persecuted lately and what do I do? nothing. absolutely nothing. I haven't been fighting, I haven't been holding tight to my Father, I haven't been relying on Him. Recognizing Him daily, seeing Him is not enougth. Accepting Him, knowing with all your heart, soul and mind that He is Holy and Almighty. I never lose because of Him. He gives me strength, He gives me purpose. I can not be lazy in my walk, i need to get up off my spiritual couch, and pick up my cross and follow Him pushing all these blocks out of my stinkin way! Oh man, I am so upset that I have let myself become so lazy and  weak.
I have asked Him- why the heck am I going through this? Life seems great, I have all I need, I am surrouded by the most amazing family, friends, and church family, and I am not satisfied? What the?!?!?! You know why?
In the best of times, God wanted me to rememeber Him, and He wanted to remind me that I am still His child. This caused me to cling to Jesus closer and be reminded that yes-He makes me lie down in green pastures, and yes-He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. AND EVEN though I walk through the darkest valley, no I will fear no evil, (why?) for HE IS with me!-Psalm 23 (paraphrased.)

James 1:1-16 put it beautifully-
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.  For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord;  he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation, and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass he will pass away. For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits. Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers."
Don't become spritual bums, don't be useless in this world.
So amazing that when I let go of Him, He doesn't let go of us. When we give up on fighting the battle, and when we give in, He fights for us! Amazing! Just because you think you're stable, think again...

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