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Up and thennn i go downnn

Well, as we all know life never goes the way we plan it. The key is to NOT have a plan at all...maybe have goals and dreams, but don't plan things, because in the end it most likely will not go the way you want it to go. I'm not talking about bumps in the road...complications and all. But complete change of plans. Its gets crazy!

Lets see how can i explain my title of this post...hmm. A month or so ago i was on fire, i was ready to go out there and do whatever it is that i thought i was going to do. I was also on fire for the Lord, and life was just great! that was the "up" in my title..now i go down...
I am not on fire for the Lord, and i don't understand why..this part hurts the most. Its not like i've got anything to complain about right? I mean i've got a great family, I've got an amazing friend i can count on, I've got the freedom to dive into the Word of God and talk freely about Him...what is there that i should even complain about? Thats what i don't get...i've got it all, and yet I don't spend any time thanking the One who gave it all to me.
I have been talking to a few people and i've been realizing that i've been living in a fairy tale world. God is continuously  showing me how foolish i am...how small i am. I was ready, i mean i was soooo ready to go to Indonesia this January, and do i know how to say "hello. How are you?" in Indonesian? no. Have i even studied the culture? no. Gosh, our human minds are so small..well at least mine is. I wasn't ready to go on a mission trip, i wasn't ready to go and serve the Lord...what i was ready for was an adventure and a story to tell my friends. Man, I am so foolish! Going to Indonesia has got to be deeper than that...and it is frustrating that i let myself to even entertain my thoughts like that. To add to that...i found out my grandfather in Russia is very ill, my biological mom said he is not going to last much longer. When it rains it pours right? I can't even express how frustrated i am. And i know that God sees the big picture and I see only a small piece of it...again reminding me how small i am and how big God is.
I know everything is in His hands, but knowing how much prep work i need to do before my trip to Indonesia on top of college...the thought overwhelms me...its like i don't think i can even do it. I know that God doesn't give us more than we can handle...i know all the truths i just gotta trust...All in all that is the "down" part of my title.
I guess its all  part of the "Spiritual Adventures" right? Adventures aren't always fun...there are bumps in the road, and ups and downs, and who knows what might come up next...in the end it will work out, i believe it...its just that the end seems out of my reach.

So guys, my advice...think big! don't be foolish...foolishness disappoints.
Pray!

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