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Showing posts from 2011

you live&you grow

"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different..."-CS Lewis
Well well, 2011 is coming to an end. Did you follow through all the new years resolutions you made in the beginning of the year? if you ask me, I'd tell you HECK NO! i actually don't even think i made them, because my goals change, people change and grow the resolutions change every month!

I haven't written a blog in a while now, so much has happened so many lessons were learned. I think this year i've grown the most spiritually then any other year. I went to Haiti, which was definitely a HIGHLIGHT of my year. My heart is still there, Im physically here, doing what God is telling me to do, but my heart is in Haiti for sure. I've learned to have hope in the Lord like never before, I've learned not to depend on people, because they will for sure dissapoint you, fail you, hurt you, and surprise you. I also learned to never hold grudges…

REBLOGGED. - i needed to read this

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,
to have a deep soul relationship with another—
to be loved thoroughly, and exclusively.
But GOD, to a Christian says:
“No, not until you are satisfied,
fullfilled and content with being loved by Me alone,
with having an intensely personal and unique relationship
that I have planned for you.

You will never be united with another until you are united with Me—
exclusive of anyone or anything else,
exclusive of any other desires or longings.

I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing—
one that you cannot imagine.
I want you to know the best.

Please allow Me to bring it to you.
You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things—
keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am.
Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.

You just wait.
That’s all.
Don’t be anxious.
Don’t worry.
Don’t look around at the things others have gotten
or what I’ve given them.
Don’t look at the th…


Oh my goodness! God never ceases to open my eyes to the things that are outside of me. The moment I begin to close in on myself, the moment I begin to make a huge deal about my issues, the moment I begin to just simply think the world revolves around me, God smacks me in the head with the Truth and opens my eyes to the things that around me. Things that are happening as im sitting on my bed writing this. Christians being persecuted, a child is being sold to a family memeber, a baby being aborted, a boy being bullied, or a girl making herself barf because she thinks she's fat, suicide, someone is begging for food while im sipping on a warm cup of coffee, a child is being raped, mallested or kidnapped, a father is being abusive physically and emotionally, someone dying from cancer...I mean the list goes on and on. And what bothers me the most is that I don't ever think about these things, and when I do...I doubt that my little prayer will do anything. Oh my goodness…

if you think you just might be sinking,

"If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall"-1Corinthians 10:12 and "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."-2Corinthians 12:9----> these verses are on my heart tonight.

Life can fool us sometimes. We go through life, our daily routines-and we think that we've got it all together. Once you start thinking to yourself "yep, I'm in a good place right now" BAM, something happens and all of a sudden you are lost.

All I can say is the spiritual ups and downs are designed for me to depend on God for help. Once I think Im stong enough to handle life, God always shows me my weakness to remind me that I can't do life on my own.

Ever since I began working it seemed like I got it all figured schedule seemed good. I was reading the Word everyday, I did everythin… now has a meaning

This morning it was the first time I heard the sound of rain since I came home from Haiti. It was a soothing sound, and then I fell back to sleep. I woke up thinking about Haiti, and how much the kids love the rain, but how much the families living in the tents hate it. The humidity, the mud, everything that they wanted to keep dry is now wet.

Today is monday...they do their feeding programs on mondays. This brough back the memory of all the kids rushing in while it was pouring down rain. The kids were so thirsty that they would open up their mouths just to get some drops of rain in them, or they would stick their faces right underneath the rooftops to catch the heavy flow of the rain....oh how i miss that sight. I miss franticly running in the rain putting a bowl of rice and beans in front of a child. I miss their smell, I miss their sounds, most of all i miss their touch.

 Emmanuel <3 my boy.

 I miss you my precious America.
The rain now has a meaning....I think of t…

I just wonder that's all.

Sometimes I Its a constant rollercoaster ride, somedays nothing makes sense...somedays I wake up full of joy and I feel like nothing can bring me down....but in the back of my mind I wonder..."is this too good to be true?" I feel as if some one out there is sitting outside my happiness door and as soon as I get happy and opens and reminds me of the things I don't what to think about. For instance....whoever is reading this, you probably don't know I have two half sisters. I miss them...I just got off the phone with my grandpa from Russia, he told me of a memory he has of me and one of my sisters....he remembers me and her playing together, and talking to each other and laughing together. I wish I could go back in time and see that. I don't remember it at all. She is only 2 years younger than me...maybe she knows she was adopted...maybe not. but I wonder. My other sister I remeber as if I held her just yesterday...I fed her, changed her …


something I read tonight and it was so awesome!

"One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprintsin the sand; on e belonging to him and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only onfe set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life. This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once i decided to followe you, you'd walkl with me all the way. but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me." The Lord replied. "My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you…

the great pursuit

Summer....never was a huge fan. All the while I love the fun, the sun, the tanning, the freedom from homework and I love not thinking about deadlines and tests. However, the lack of schedule truly annoys me. A few months before summer begins I dread it. In the summer is where I lose touch with God, it's where I feel distant...knowing full well that I am the one moving away, not Him. It's in the summer where I let go of Him...yet He never lets go of me.
Reasons for this? You tell me. I don't get it really. Laziness? yes, I believe that plays a major role. so this summer went a little differently. I went to Haiti, which was a life changing trip...there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about it, don't pray about. Then after I got back I had troubles adjusting...deep down inside I might still have troubles...but nothing that the Lord can't take care of. I miss that place...I miss everyone there. But being back was the most difficult thing I have eve…

I will wait for you

I heard this poem by Janette and it is totally amazing! she put everything I think and want in words. CHECK IT!
"So it seemed, that it was cool, fo cool, for everyone to be in a relationship but me..
So I took matters into my own hands… and ended up with him
Him who displayed the characteristics of a CHEATER, a LIAR, an ABUSER, & a THEIF
So.. why was I surprised when he broke into my heart?
I called 911, but I was cardiac arrested for aiding and abetting,
Cause it was ME who let him in…
Claiming we were “just friends”..
It was already decided for me by the first date, that even if he wasn’t!
I was gonna make him ‘The One’..
You know… I was tired of being alone,
And I simply made up in my mind, that it was about that time so I decided to drag him along for the ride,
Cause I was always the bridesmaid & never the bride..
A virgin in the physical, but mentally just a grown woman on the corner in heat!
Who was tired of the wait!
So I was gonna make him ‘The One’.
He had a… for…


Note to self: always surround yourself with positivity.

Being home from Haiti for almost a month is a little challenging. I at times find myself missing it so much that i can't even be by myself, because my thoughts take over and then it's down hill from there. But what keeps me going on is the thought that God will bring me to that place once again. I have hope in that. Also what keeps me going, is remember God's goodness and His promises. He isn't done with me yet, and there are greater thing have yet to come (yes i am quoting Chris Tomlin.)
Surrounding myself with positivity, makes me see all the things i should be grateful for, all the blessings. Even the smallest miracles that we are blind to, we really should be more observant. When I am in my sad mode I don't notice these things, i tend to slip into "my world" where it's all about me, and how much I miss Haiti, how much I need to feel needed by the children. But its not about me is it? nope.

There is more to life.

Everything reminds me of Haiti.... I see the kids faces everywhere, sounds odd I know. I was there only for a short time but it changed my life. All I know is that God is good....all the time. I know God has wonderful plans for me and for Haiti. I know I will be returning there next year. You know what's awesome? In January, when I was planning my trip to Indonesia, already contacted the orphanage I was going to work at and all, wise people have asked me if I was ready for this...of course, me...the adventurous one said "of course." then they told me about a few missionaries who had a burning feeling, a strong passion to be a missionary... And I had to think about it. This trip to Haiti was awesome.. Because the other day I was praying, praying for clarity and direction... And I had "that" feeling. I couldn't sit still... I wanted to be with children no matter where. This trip God showed me that because of my up bringing in an orphanage, I can relate to any…

Haiti-the Beautiful Jewel.

This is Adnika! Precious child.
All these kids taught be so much. They are so blessed, and so full of joy. The blessed me more than I blessed them.
I thought Haiti was going to be a sad place, a dark was the complete opposite. yes there was a lot of devastation, there was a lot of poor people and kids running around, but you know what they had that I don't, or we don't? Great faith. faith that God provides, faith that God satisfies. The first day of the feeding program i was in shock and overwhelmed, it hit me hard. I was only seeing the negative things, but if you start looking at what God has done in their lives, you would see His greatness shine upon them. These children new God personally...praised Him for everything. Always joyful with the little things they had.....we have to learn from them.
The older kids have dreams of what they want to accomplish..they strive to be somebody in this world. They love life, no matter how difficult it is. no matter how little…

So close, yet so far away

Dear Friends and Family,         The trip is so soon! The 27th is approaching and my team and I are getting really anxious! We’ve been having constant meetings and so much preparation. We’ve been raising money and praise God with your help we are 100% financially supported! God has provided and praise Him! I just want to thank you for your prayers and financial support, it really made a difference. We’ve done “Helping Hand for Haiti” and that had two benefits:         First it was a good time of fellowship with one another. Our team bonded and definitely practiced team work. Secondly, it brought in a lot of support and we had fun doing all the projects…from pulling weeds, (and me getting really annoyed with the spiders, who knew…the dirt has A LOT of unusual insects =)) to cleaning out garages to doing simple task such as hanging fans and hooking up printers. All was for the glory of God and it helped us a lot. So you, yes YOU, had a huge part in this, by supporting our team! Thank YO…

Remember. Rejoice. March ahead.

For the past couple of days God's been putting something on my heart and its really inspiring. I've been listening to Flyleaf lately(if you guys don't know the band, check it out!) and Lacey Sturm (the lead singer) wrote a song called "Cassie" and its about Cassie Bernall who was shot for believing in God. That brought to mind Rachel Scott who was shot at the same school as Cassie for her faith, and that led me to thinking about all the other Christians in different countries or even here in the US, who are being persecuted daily for their belief in God. Christ did promise us that we will be persecuted "Then you will be arrested, persecuted and killed. You will be hated all over the world because you are my followers"-Matthew 24:9. But the apostle Paul says in Philippians 1:21 " For to me, to live is Christ, and to dies is gain"- Life is summed up in Jesus Christ, Christ is the reason for being. Paul got it right guys, lose you're life and…


Haiti is coming up so quickly! 
I am thrilled and anxious and nervous and blessed and surprised that a person like me would have an amazing opportunity like this to go and be used by God in Haiti! Blows my mind away!
The devil definitely has been having fun with my weaknesses and my foggy mind, but God somehow is helping me fight, while I feel weak, I know He is Strong! Always!
I always have to remember that that things in life will barely ever go my way, God always reminds me through the scriptures that my ways isn't His best way!
God has been preparing my heart in huge ways, some days i don't even know what He's doing in me, but i know i gotta trust!
We are only 18 days away! The anticipation is killing me! God is teaching me a valuable lesson while Im waiting... patience and prayer.
So guys, remember....turn you're eyes upon Jesus! and don't give up.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be…


Something my aunt posted on her wall that is totally stuck in my head and i think its a good thing....."I don't know where I am going, but I'm on my way."
It probably won't seem so awesome to you but this quote hit me....Yes, I don't know where I am going in life, I'm not the kind of person who makes plans, I am the kind who doesn't know what lies ahead, what comes next, I don't even know what the heck I wan and I sure as heck don't know where I am headed. But I am still going on my way...Don't know at all where God's leading me, but that's the thing, GOD IS LEADING ME. I don't NEED to know, just step by step follow Him right?
I have my dreams but they are not set in stone, I love life right now, I love God and I love the people that surround me. I love being spontaneous and what ever comes my way I'll roll with it. Life is hard enough, why plan things? why worry about what happens. God's got it all taken care of...all …

I'm in love

I went to see "Soul Surfer" today with some of my favorite people; the movie was amazing and super inspirational. GO SEE IT! One of the scenes it showed Thailand; when it was hit with the tsunami...Bethany was visiting them with her youth group. While watching the movie I felt God all around me, and I was so encouraged. But when I saw that scene, the people, the kids who lost their parents in the destruction- now they are orphans-something awesome happened within me. It hit me hard- orphans-broke my heart once again, and I was reminded of my purpose in life. I felt such reassurance that this is what God wants from me in the future..always to be involved with kids of all ages for the rest of my life.
That is my calling, and nothing is going to get in the way of that. God is preparing my heart for Haiti in major ways and I can't wait to experience it all. There's someone I look up to-Ari- a girl who heard God's voice, and with determination and commitment followed …

3 meals a day

"If we don't discipline ourselves, the world will do it for us"
William Feather
This quote hit home. If you don't take the time to discipline yourself, and I don't mean punish yourself, but really set your mind to something and do it. For the past week or so that is exactly what I've been learning. If you let yourself go, the world will begin to shape you. Blahh horrible thought. That's why I think it is good to discipline yourself. 
Ever since we moved to my grandmas house, my whole routine got ruined. I used to have a specific time where I would spend time with God, talk to Him and read His word. I used to have so much confidence and so much reassurance of His grace. When we moved and college started, I lost that. I missed that. I missed walking into a room and feeling so full of confidence because God was with me. I lost the ability to discipline myself. I read my bible as an appetizer, I would give so little of my time to God. That is exactly what God h…

The Glories of Christ!

Something I found in my bible while doing my devotions, thought I'd share it with you all! =)

"Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God..."-2Cor 3:5

One of the great tenets of Scripture is the claim that Jesus Christ is completely sufficient for all matters of life and godliness (2Pet1:3,4)! He is sufficient for creation(Col. 1:16, 17), salvation(Heb 10:10-12) sanctification(Eph 5:26,27), and glorification(Rom 8:30). So pure is He that there is no blemish, stain, spot of sin, defilement, lying, deception, corruption, error, or imperfection(1Pet 1:18-20).
So complete is He that there is no other God besides Him(Is 45:5); He is the only begotten Son(John 1:14, 18); all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge are in Him(Col 2:3); the fullness of the Godhead dwells bodily in Him(Col 2:9); He is heir of all things (Heb1:2); He created all things and all things were made by Him, though Him, and for Him(…

Give Hope a Chance

Hey guys!
Lately I've been just beyond excited and overwhelmed with Gods love and His awesomeness, and Im loving it! I am seeing God at work in my life in huge ways! =)
God taught me about worship which I already wrote about and since then my life has been tough yet absolutely amazing!
I've been going through a lot, and He's been just teaching me to have Hope! Always have Hope! In everything! Whatever the situation might be, always have hope that everything will be fine in the end. Everything we witness on this earth, everything we experience in this life always happens for one reason- to teach us that everything will work out for our own good and for Gods glory! You might witness people leaving the Lord, or every thing you try to do the doors just keep on closing, you might struggle with capturing your thoughts, or straying away, but if you have hope, everything will work out.
SO! the reason for my post today is that even though it seemed like nothing was really working o…

I'm a part of the fellowship of the unashamed.

I'm a part of the fellowship of the unashamed.
I have Holy Spirit power.
I've stepped over the line.
The decision has been made.
I'm a disciple of His.

I won't look back,
let up, slow down,
back away, or be still.
My past redeemed,
my present makes sense,
my future is secure.

I'm finished and done with low living,
sidewalking, small planning,
smooth-knees, colorless dreams,
tame visions, worldly-talking,
cheap-giving, and dwarf goals.

I no longer need pre-eminence,
position, promotion,
applause, or popularity.
I don't have to be right,
first, tops, recognized,
praised, regarded, or rewarded.

I now live by faith,
lean on His presence, walk by patience.
I am uplifted by prayer and labour by power.

My face is set.
My gait is fast.
My goal is Heaven.
My road is narrow.
My way is rough.
My companions are few.
My God reliable.
My mission is clear.

I cannot be bought, compromised,
detoured, lured away,
turned back, deluded, or delayed.
I will not flinch in the face of…

Obedient Love

"There was a man in Detroit, a valiant Christian, who when trapped in a hotel fire was badly burned and brought almost to the point of death. Upon recovery and discovering that he was blind, his one lament was that he could no longer read his Bible; so he requested that he be taught Braille. When the tips of his fingers, so badly burned and now scarred, were tested, there was no sensitivity in them. His toes, his lips, and finally his tongue were tested; and with his tongue he read the Bible through three times!"-How to Worship Jesus Christ by Joseph S. Carroll. WOW!
He could have given up. but no, he didn't. He so thirsted for Gods word, so thirsted for communication, he did whatever he could to read the Word.
I personally find this very awesome, I take the Bible for granted, i don't read it everyday as i should, it sits next to my bed, and whenever i feel like i'll read it. Thats not how its supposed to be. Thats not worshiping God at all, why is …