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I just wonder that's all.

Sometimes I wonder...life. Its a constant rollercoaster ride, somedays nothing makes sense...somedays I wake up full of joy and I feel like nothing can bring me down....but in the back of my mind I wonder..."is this too good to be true?" I feel as if some one out there is sitting outside my happiness door and as soon as I get happy and joyful...it opens and reminds me of the things I don't what to think about. For instance....whoever is reading this, you probably don't know I have two half sisters. I miss them...I just got off the phone with my grandpa from Russia, he told me of a memory he has of me and one of my sisters....he remembers me and her playing together, and talking to each other and laughing together. I wish I could go back in time and see that. I don't remember it at all. She is only 2 years younger than me...maybe she knows she was adopted...maybe not. but I wonder. My other sister I remeber as if I held her just yesterday...I fed her, changed her diapers, put her to bed...i was 5 or 6.

All of a sudden, tonight...on top of my battles I've been fighting....it dawned on me. I have two sisters out there in the world. my blood...what are they like? do they look anythig like me? I don't know...but I wonder. My grandpa's wish...the only wish he has (besides me visiting him soon)but the only thing he wants...is for me to find my sisters. He said that if it were him, he would do everything in his power to find them.

Do they think about me as much as i think about them? sometimes its hard not to blame my biological mom for this...her sin caused all this. I know God allowed it, and I know there is a plan. It's just hard.

I just wonder..that's all. 

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