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Majestic obsession

Two weeks ago I left my home and everyone I loved to go to Haiti once again. What a trip. God did a lot in my heart through the people of Haiti, its pretty much unbelievable and man was it painful. Words can not describe how incredible the trip was. Stepping off that plane I instantly felt at home, as if I never left. However, no matter how at home I felt God began to mold my heart and show me all the dirt. Not a fan. He was teaching me how to love, all over again. Don't you hate it when you think you've mastered something, and then you realize you don't have the slightest clue? Yep, thats exactly what happened. God showed me how angry and bitter I was toward some people who I claimed I "loved." How could I go to a different country and show the kind of love I should be showing at home? It didn't make sense to me. After much prayer and laying down my pride, I broke down and begged God to clense me, to restore me and to show me love again. Because God is faithful and He disciplines the ones He loves, he continued to teach me this lesson through out the weeks. I've had instances where I was really impatient with people and situations, and God over and over kept slapping me with the truth. The phrase "love the person in front of you" ran through my mind, and that's what I set out to do.
This trip to Haiti was nothing like the trip I took last summer. For one, it was longer, and two-I didn't come with a plan nor an agenda. I just went. What was I going to do? Hang out with the kids. I heard God's call and I went for it. God sent me to Haiti to show me how lives are lived... no schedule, no planning-He just wanted me to watch. Is this what I desired? YES. I long for the life I lived the past two weeks. I met so many people, I bonded with so many kids, and I made life long friends.
I can tell story after story, experience after experience, but then this blog would just go on and on. My plan was to write day by day while I was in haiti, but the internet wasn't letting me.
God has rooted my heart deep... leaving was the hardest thing I've ever done. The pain is almost unbearable and it doesn't make any sense to me. My friend Ari kept reminding me, "this is just one of the seasons" she kept encouraging me to pray, she kept telling me that I will be back. I am certain of that and I belive it with my whole heart, its being separated that kills me inside.
I love my family and seeing them was amazing, however my heart is not here.
Hanging out with the kids, praying over the people outside of the clinic and visiting tent cities families is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to bring hope to the ones who litarraly don't have anything to hope for. I had a little girl, who has nothing but her faith-lay her hand on me and pray for me and her voice echos in my ears "Amen Jesus, thank you" over and over. How could this be? Oh Jesus!
There are names of little girls and boys that continuestly run through my mind... those names forever changed my life.

I don't know how to deal with being apart from something you love so much. But I feel God, I feel Him as if He was sitting right next to me and holding me. I know He knows my desires because He's the one who planted them into my heart, and His promises are true...He will give me the desires of my heart.

Through many challenges in Haiti and the biggest one of all was stepping on that plane to come home- I've grown a lot, I've changed a lot, and I've learned to love again.

These are just some things that have been on my mind.... maybe some stories will come after!

<3 Nat.

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