Skip to main content

Majestic obsession

Two weeks ago I left my home and everyone I loved to go to Haiti once again. What a trip. God did a lot in my heart through the people of Haiti, its pretty much unbelievable and man was it painful. Words can not describe how incredible the trip was. Stepping off that plane I instantly felt at home, as if I never left. However, no matter how at home I felt God began to mold my heart and show me all the dirt. Not a fan. He was teaching me how to love, all over again. Don't you hate it when you think you've mastered something, and then you realize you don't have the slightest clue? Yep, thats exactly what happened. God showed me how angry and bitter I was toward some people who I claimed I "loved." How could I go to a different country and show the kind of love I should be showing at home? It didn't make sense to me. After much prayer and laying down my pride, I broke down and begged God to clense me, to restore me and to show me love again. Because God is faithful and He disciplines the ones He loves, he continued to teach me this lesson through out the weeks. I've had instances where I was really impatient with people and situations, and God over and over kept slapping me with the truth. The phrase "love the person in front of you" ran through my mind, and that's what I set out to do.
This trip to Haiti was nothing like the trip I took last summer. For one, it was longer, and two-I didn't come with a plan nor an agenda. I just went. What was I going to do? Hang out with the kids. I heard God's call and I went for it. God sent me to Haiti to show me how lives are lived... no schedule, no planning-He just wanted me to watch. Is this what I desired? YES. I long for the life I lived the past two weeks. I met so many people, I bonded with so many kids, and I made life long friends.
I can tell story after story, experience after experience, but then this blog would just go on and on. My plan was to write day by day while I was in haiti, but the internet wasn't letting me.
God has rooted my heart deep... leaving was the hardest thing I've ever done. The pain is almost unbearable and it doesn't make any sense to me. My friend Ari kept reminding me, "this is just one of the seasons" she kept encouraging me to pray, she kept telling me that I will be back. I am certain of that and I belive it with my whole heart, its being separated that kills me inside.
I love my family and seeing them was amazing, however my heart is not here.
Hanging out with the kids, praying over the people outside of the clinic and visiting tent cities families is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to bring hope to the ones who litarraly don't have anything to hope for. I had a little girl, who has nothing but her faith-lay her hand on me and pray for me and her voice echos in my ears "Amen Jesus, thank you" over and over. How could this be? Oh Jesus!
There are names of little girls and boys that continuestly run through my mind... those names forever changed my life.

I don't know how to deal with being apart from something you love so much. But I feel God, I feel Him as if He was sitting right next to me and holding me. I know He knows my desires because He's the one who planted them into my heart, and His promises are true...He will give me the desires of my heart.

Through many challenges in Haiti and the biggest one of all was stepping on that plane to come home- I've grown a lot, I've changed a lot, and I've learned to love again.

These are just some things that have been on my mind.... maybe some stories will come after!

<3 Nat.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I'm not proverbs thirty one

Have you ever read Proverbs 31? 

It describes a woman who is intimidating to me, yet I aspire to be. If you ever have time, read the chapter, if not, I'll break it down for you. In this chapter King Lemuel meaning "devoted to God" wrote a passage that was almost a perfect description of his mother, some say he was inspired by her wisdom. His mother, Bathsheba made her wisdom very evident when she was basically telling her son "not to fall into the trap of immorality, chasing after women will sap a king's strength. (Proverbs 31:3) I can only draw my own assumptions that Lemuel was inspired by that saying and wrote up a whole chapter based on what a woman of virtue should look like. I won't quote the chapter in this blog, although I must have read it three or four times tonight, and had it basically memorized at some point in high school, however I'll attempt to simplify with my such minuscule concoction of words.  

So, what is a Proverbs 31 woman? 
She is tr…

It's real

Depression- the word is either used too much or not enough. 

Upon hearing that someone may be depressed, some just look the other way as if it's not real, as if it's a trend or not as bad as the guy next door. Some may treat it with medication, therapy, and may even suggest medidation. 

I heard a statistic from 2013, that 437 children die from cancer, that is one too many, and 4,600 individuals ages 10-24 will take their own lives. I am one hundred percent positive the numbers have increased since, sadly. So. Are we judging too quickly when some one may be depressed? Are we shrugging it off as if it's not a thing. Let me tell you something...

Unless you have mentally experienced the battles a depressed person fights- you have no say. Unless you have felt your own heart beat fasten it's pace because your lungs are trying to grasp for air due to heavy tear flow that became silent- you can not point fingers. Unless you felt the utter darkness that surrounds the mind and the …

what is seen is temporary

the phrase I have tattooed on my forearm states "this too shall pass..." 

lately I'm realizing that the phrase holds multiple meanings. this. what is "this" is it eluding to? here's my faulty conclusion...

this. any state of emotion, life situations, adversities, joys, sadness, pains, tragedies...this will pass. so that leads to this- whatever joys we experience, they will soon pass, what ever pains we experience, they will also pass, the most painful "this too shall pass" includes the connections we make, the relationships we spend our time building, the people...they pass. They pass right out of our lives. You can look at someone and physically see them, all the while realizing the person they were before has "passed", the essence of their being was taken along with their "passing." 

"this too shall pass." 


As contradicting as it is, the permanent tattoo on my forearm indicates how temporary things are in this life. 

Upo…