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On my knees

On her knees she was praising and praying. On her knees, at my feet she raised her little hands and prayed.

That's where I need to belong. On my knees at my Saviors feet. Faith of a child.

Today I had to say goodbye to the kids I've grown to love so much. I heard for the last time "Jesus loves you Natalia." I heard for the last time "I love you." Felt that familiar ache. Just like the one when I left home and Haiti.

Short term mission trips break you over and over, all different hurts. You hurt for them because they are so in need of Jesus. So in need of love. Being here and being able to be used by God to provide both of those needs has been a tremendous blessing. Then you begin to feel a different kind of hurt, the kind where you see some other needs and you know you can't do anything about right now. You then feel the kind of hurt that requires you to say goodbye. Your heart begins to break. Not just in half, but over every child and each relationship developed it breaks into a million pieces.

I said goodbye to my new friends..."you will be back, don't worry" they kept telling me. "I will pray hard for God to bring you back to us."

"You're leaving us?"-says beautiful brown eyed Grace. Right then and there, I broke. Everything inside me twisted into knots. "when will you be back for us?-precious Phoebe.

I've been on too many short mission trips, you stay not long enough but just enough to get attached. I can't wait until the day that God plants me somewhere, where it will be my home.

Meanwhile, I am willing to allow God to break my heart and then restore me. Renew me and allow myself to be on my knees begging for him to make me whole again.

on my knees....


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