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Half of of my heart

"Half of my heart's got a grip on the situation, half of my heart takes time..."-John Mayer

Today I woke up with a terrible ache in my heart. I tired turning it into a prayerful heart, but it is so difficult. When everything in you longs to be somewhere else, it is a painful process.

My dear friend has returned to Haiti today, she was an intern this summer. After she came back she was determined to get back, and by God's grace she did. As I lift up my prayers for her, I can't help but imagine her beaming face when she steps off that plane. I can't help but imagine the smells, the heat, the noise of Haiti. I can't help but imagine the attacks of hugs and kisses at the feeding program today. I can't help but imagine seeing my friends who love Jesus so much....oh how I long to be there.

I keep hearing the words "Be happy where God has you..." (I think I wrote about this in my last blog) so yes, I believe that we are still supposed to bless His name wherever we are. Like the famous song "Blessed be Your name when I'm found in the desert place. Though I walk through the wilderness blessed be Your name..." I will bless His name. However, I will not stop striving toward where I want to be. I think God doesn't want us to just sit and wait until He opens doors, or drops loads of money in your lap, we don't have to wait for some physical sign of either go there or here, we need to be on a search.
On a search for doors to push wide open, for opportunities that will further you along your path.

A few weeks I came home from babysitting where I earned a huge chunk of money, something in me said "SAVE." I found a glass jar in my room and now I am almost able to pay for my airfare if I were to go to Haiti. God speaks. Not necessarily when we're sitting here, living life, but when we search, fight, go after His heart. I know He loves the poor and the needy, I know He longs for people to love on them. His heart is to go and seek the lost and love on them.

So John Mayers song is stuck in my head today. Although not having any relation to this post, but just that simple phrase..."Half of my heart's got a grip on the situation, half of my heart takes time.." yes, I understand all of this. I understand the waiting, the searching, the fighting, the saving...but then it just simply aches. The longing is getting old and almost too painful. I've got faces flashing through my mind, I've got memories playing on repeat in my head, its all just a little crazy...but blessed be His name.

My goal is to just save all my money. My goal is to get back to Haiti. I don't know how, but I know finances is the biggest challenge. I will continue to search and look for opportunities that will further me along.Although finances are important, however I am not a fool and I know I need to use my God given gifts and grow, draw near to our Savior. I know God is calling me to do here what He's calling me to do in for now, I will do just that.

So what are you doing to further yourself along to where you actually want to be? Are you blessing His name in the desert place?

Have a little hope.



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