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It's a beaufitul struggle...

"Why do we think if we trust God too much He will fail us, nothing has come when I chose its that in me I'd trust.."- Barlow Girl

Oh God I underestimate you.

During my prayer time this beautiful morning, I realized I doubt God so much. I underestimate Him. I put Him in a box of a human being mentality.

Overall, I'd like to think of myself as a positive person, I try and look at things or people with great possibility. People are capable of achieving anything they put their minds to. People are never too far gone from God's grace, and a person no matter where he/she has been deserves love. However, looking at my own life, I don't have that kind of outlook. I see more negativity than positivity. I tend to focus on why certain things will not work out instead of focusing on how things will work out.

I also look at things through my false human eyes, when God wants me to open my eyes and heart to His glorious and majestic ways. I so often forget His will, His power, His sovereignty, therefore I begin to doubt.

Our circumstance in life are not new to God, they are not a mystery either. Everything we go through in life, the people placed in our lives, the homes we live in, the places we travel to, the things we learn-it is all a part of His plan, nothing is a surprise. It might be a surprise to us, because we are not God, and are created to be completely dependent on Him-and that's a good thing.

Doing life alone is no fun. When I try that, when I begin to think to myself  "Yep, I figured this out" God knocks me down and says "Daughter, you have no clue." Isn't that great though? To not know? Not knowing yet having faith increases my prayer life, which in turn draws me closer to my Father who has given His life up for me, who has a beautiful heart for His children, and who saves me from myself.

Oh human, just trust God. Our brokenness keeps us away from fully seeing God as Mighty, our doubt keeps as away from seeing that He is bigger than us, our eyes aren't able to see Heaven, we only see the darkness of this world, which blinds us to His wanders. We shut God out of situations and try and handle them ourselves which then lead us to further destruction of our own hearts and others.

I underestimate God. I don't trust Him enough. I don't trust Him with my life-because time and time again I try to take over. God does His thing and then I step in with my own sets of plans and idea of how things should be. Why oh why?

Its a process and I will continue to beautifully struggle through this, but at least I struggle- through it all I recognize God as GOD, I feel His gentle hand upon me, I see the Cross and I cling to it.

 A Beautifully Struggling Soul.


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