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Showing posts from May, 2013

Not going.

"Not going" 
Ahh these words sting.
I am still stuck in the same place I've been...utterly sad and broken. 
No matter how many positive things I see in my path, my heart can't grasp it. "You're staying here Nat." 
I really have nothing else to say on this matter anymore. 
Upon hearing of Haiti/Uganda, upon seeing their photos- I just can't even handle it. 
When people ask me "Any adventures this summer?" At that moment I am forced to face it... It happens over and over; and to make matters worse, this question gets thrown in my face right when I begin to feel some-what ok with it. 
I just can't. 


It's sinking in. Ouch.

Summers are usually the times when I fall in love all over again. Where my heart opens up again and lets the children of Haiti or Uganda fall in. Where I get that twinkle in my eye and a knot in my stomach from excitement. Where I get little arms around my neck, kisses on my cheeks and little hands brush through my hair. Where I smell the humidity in the air of a different land, where I hear the praises to our God in a different language, I taste different foods, and I emerge into a familiar life.

Not this summer.

I can't even begin to express how much I miss Haiti and Uganda. But I know God has something planned for me here. Although I'm having a bad attitude about it, I know the character of God, I know that whatever He does, He does it for our good. I know it. But still...ouch.

Feeling like Jonah still- just like in my previous post-not stuck not in a fish, nor am I restless at night, but I'm stuck in America feeling trapped. It's almost a…