Skip to main content


It's sinking in. Ouch.

Summers are usually the times when I fall in love all over again. Where my heart opens up again and lets the children of Haiti or Uganda fall in. Where I get that twinkle in my eye and a knot in my stomach from excitement. Where I get little arms around my neck, kisses on my cheeks and little hands brush through my hair. Where I smell the humidity in the air of a different land, where I hear the praises to our God in a different language, I taste different foods, and I emerge into a familiar life.

Not this summer.

I can't even begin to express how much I miss Haiti and Uganda. But I know God has something planned for me here. Although I'm having a bad attitude about it, I know the character of God, I know that whatever He does, He does it for our good. I know it. But still...ouch.

Feeling like Jonah still- just like in my previous post-not stuck not in a fish, nor am I restless at night, but I'm stuck in America feeling trapped. It's almost as if God is holding me down so He can do work in my heart, in my life and the people around me.

Tonight though, although I am in pain, I got a phone call from my youngest cousin, and for her Awana night she had to interview a missionary....she called me-it hit me...I am a missionary.

So what does it mean? It means that no matter where I am, I'm on a mission. My cousin sees me as that...I need to see myself as that, here...especially here.

As far as I know this summer I am called to stay in this country and be a missionary in my own home. Why can't I see the fact that all God wants to do is use me as a tool just like He has used me in Haiti and Uganda? Why am I resisting? Why the attitude?! URG.

So a couple of lessons from this-
Be on a mission-always.
Don't forget who you are.

but still...ouch. 


Popular posts from this blog

I'm not proverbs thirty one

Have you ever read Proverbs 31? 

It describes a woman who is intimidating to me, yet I aspire to be. If you ever have time, read the chapter, if not, I'll break it down for you. In this chapter King Lemuel meaning "devoted to God" wrote a passage that was almost a perfect description of his mother, some say he was inspired by her wisdom. His mother, Bathsheba made her wisdom very evident when she was basically telling her son "not to fall into the trap of immorality, chasing after women will sap a king's strength. (Proverbs 31:3) I can only draw my own assumptions that Lemuel was inspired by that saying and wrote up a whole chapter based on what a woman of virtue should look like. I won't quote the chapter in this blog, although I must have read it three or four times tonight, and had it basically memorized at some point in high school, however I'll attempt to simplify with my such minuscule concoction of words.  

So, what is a Proverbs 31 woman? 
She is tr…

and the dust on my feet

From LAX to Dubai to Entebbe- here walking around in my beloved red dirt Uganda. Nothing seemed real until that plane brought me to this country. The plane wheels hit the ground and the tears started to roll down my cheeks. 

For so long, I have been so angry at God for giving this love for the nations, and then not opening any doors. Only to realize, that I needed growth, I needed to turn to Him fully, only to understand that He needed me somewhere else at the time. As I looked out the window through my teary eyes, I heard Him say "See, I got you back here." I felt a sense of relief, I felt as if this was what I needed from Him, to finally feel Him. 

Stepping out of the plane, the instant smell of Uganda hit my senses and my heart began to race. Feeling all sorts of emotions, I took my first step onto Uganda. My heart was full with joy. 

Getting all thirty of our checked in bags was already a challenge, patience was much needed. Sweat dripping down my neck, hunger in my tummy, …

shattered pieces of my heart

"break my heart for what breaks yours.." 

A song we sing at church. Are we crazy to sing a song that literally asks God to break our hearts for what breaks His? 

I've been on a lot of trips before, visiting the poverty, seeing the starving eyes, and holding the sickest of babies. Each trip opens my eyes more and more, and breaks my heart even on a greater scale. 

Today was a hard day for me. So many times during the day I wanted to burst into tears, I felt helpless, I felt and overwhelming wave of so much heartbreak, I think I actually heard my heart shatter to pieces. 

During worship, having a baby tied to my back the Ugandan style, I stood in front of the crowd and watched these kids barefoot, dirty clothes, teared t-shirts jump up and down praising God. In my mind I think "what do you have to praise them for?" Then Janet's words resonated "If you're alive, that is a reason in itself to be praising God." I had tears rolling down my face as I clo…