Skip to main content

Ouch

It's sinking in. Ouch.

Summers are usually the times when I fall in love all over again. Where my heart opens up again and lets the children of Haiti or Uganda fall in. Where I get that twinkle in my eye and a knot in my stomach from excitement. Where I get little arms around my neck, kisses on my cheeks and little hands brush through my hair. Where I smell the humidity in the air of a different land, where I hear the praises to our God in a different language, I taste different foods, and I emerge into a familiar life.

Not this summer.

I can't even begin to express how much I miss Haiti and Uganda. But I know God has something planned for me here. Although I'm having a bad attitude about it, I know the character of God, I know that whatever He does, He does it for our good. I know it. But still...ouch.

Feeling like Jonah still- just like in my previous post-not stuck not in a fish, nor am I restless at night, but I'm stuck in America feeling trapped. It's almost as if God is holding me down so He can do work in my heart, in my life and the people around me.

Tonight though, although I am in pain, I got a phone call from my youngest cousin, and for her Awana night she had to interview a missionary....she called me-it hit me...I am a missionary.

So what does it mean? It means that no matter where I am, I'm on a mission. My cousin sees me as that...I need to see myself as that, here...especially here.

As far as I know this summer I am called to stay in this country and be a missionary in my own home. Why can't I see the fact that all God wants to do is use me as a tool just like He has used me in Haiti and Uganda? Why am I resisting? Why the attitude?! URG.

So a couple of lessons from this-
Be on a mission-always.
Don't forget who you are.

but still...ouch. 


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I'm not proverbs thirty one

Have you ever read Proverbs 31? 

It describes a woman who is intimidating to me, yet I aspire to be. If you ever have time, read the chapter, if not, I'll break it down for you. In this chapter King Lemuel meaning "devoted to God" wrote a passage that was almost a perfect description of his mother, some say he was inspired by her wisdom. His mother, Bathsheba made her wisdom very evident when she was basically telling her son "not to fall into the trap of immorality, chasing after women will sap a king's strength. (Proverbs 31:3) I can only draw my own assumptions that Lemuel was inspired by that saying and wrote up a whole chapter based on what a woman of virtue should look like. I won't quote the chapter in this blog, although I must have read it three or four times tonight, and had it basically memorized at some point in high school, however I'll attempt to simplify with my such minuscule concoction of words.  

So, what is a Proverbs 31 woman? 
She is tr…

It's real

Depression- the word is either used too much or not enough. 

Upon hearing that someone may be depressed, some just look the other way as if it's not real, as if it's a trend or not as bad as the guy next door. Some may treat it with medication, therapy, and may even suggest medidation. 

I heard a statistic from 2013, that 437 children die from cancer, that is one too many, and 4,600 individuals ages 10-24 will take their own lives. I am one hundred percent positive the numbers have increased since, sadly. So. Are we judging too quickly when some one may be depressed? Are we shrugging it off as if it's not a thing. Let me tell you something...

Unless you have mentally experienced the battles a depressed person fights- you have no say. Unless you have felt your own heart beat fasten it's pace because your lungs are trying to grasp for air due to heavy tear flow that became silent- you can not point fingers. Unless you felt the utter darkness that surrounds the mind and the …

what is seen is temporary

the phrase I have tattooed on my forearm states "this too shall pass..." 

lately I'm realizing that the phrase holds multiple meanings. this. what is "this" is it eluding to? here's my faulty conclusion...

this. any state of emotion, life situations, adversities, joys, sadness, pains, tragedies...this will pass. so that leads to this- whatever joys we experience, they will soon pass, what ever pains we experience, they will also pass, the most painful "this too shall pass" includes the connections we make, the relationships we spend our time building, the people...they pass. They pass right out of our lives. You can look at someone and physically see them, all the while realizing the person they were before has "passed", the essence of their being was taken along with their "passing." 

"this too shall pass." 


As contradicting as it is, the permanent tattoo on my forearm indicates how temporary things are in this life. 

Upo…