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Ouch

It's sinking in. Ouch.

Summers are usually the times when I fall in love all over again. Where my heart opens up again and lets the children of Haiti or Uganda fall in. Where I get that twinkle in my eye and a knot in my stomach from excitement. Where I get little arms around my neck, kisses on my cheeks and little hands brush through my hair. Where I smell the humidity in the air of a different land, where I hear the praises to our God in a different language, I taste different foods, and I emerge into a familiar life.

Not this summer.

I can't even begin to express how much I miss Haiti and Uganda. But I know God has something planned for me here. Although I'm having a bad attitude about it, I know the character of God, I know that whatever He does, He does it for our good. I know it. But still...ouch.

Feeling like Jonah still- just like in my previous post-not stuck not in a fish, nor am I restless at night, but I'm stuck in America feeling trapped. It's almost as if God is holding me down so He can do work in my heart, in my life and the people around me.

Tonight though, although I am in pain, I got a phone call from my youngest cousin, and for her Awana night she had to interview a missionary....she called me-it hit me...I am a missionary.

So what does it mean? It means that no matter where I am, I'm on a mission. My cousin sees me as that...I need to see myself as that, here...especially here.

As far as I know this summer I am called to stay in this country and be a missionary in my own home. Why can't I see the fact that all God wants to do is use me as a tool just like He has used me in Haiti and Uganda? Why am I resisting? Why the attitude?! URG.

So a couple of lessons from this-
Be on a mission-always.
Don't forget who you are.

but still...ouch. 


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