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a mind of a twenty-something

"Sometimes I wish I wish I was 29 with my life figured  out & sometimes I wish I was 5 with my whole life ahead of me and not a care in the world."
- Reyna Biddy 

We're never happy, are we? No matter what age. I remember myself at twelve years old, wishing I was sixteen just so I could celebrate my sweet sixteen. I remember turning sixteen and wishing I was eighteen, just so I can be legally considered an adult. Eighteen rolled around and I wanted to be twenty because I had this foolish idea that in your twenties is when it all comes together; maybe it does later on..

Now that I am twenty something, I want to be that twelve year old girl in anticipation for her sweet sixteen. The simplicity of that life, I long for those days. 

Being in your twenties has be so glamorized and romanticized, its been portrayed that  this is where you figure  out what exactly you want to do, and then you accomplish it in just 4 years, you meet someone and then there comes marriage..and we kn…

Little did I know

Life. Tonight it feels as though every single good and bad memory is being replayed in my mind. I see many people, many faces, many moments- which either have brought great joy or the darkest of sadness.

Ten years ago, I was brought to California. A place where every twelve year old girl who lived in an orphanage dreamed of being. A place where we all sat and thought of as the "savior" of all, land of complete and utter happiness. What else do you picture a twelve year old girl to want, need, desire and long for? When all she was facing was a drunken mom, a distant father, two baby girl sisters who were taken away from her and an alcoholic grandma. When all she heard were empty promises of a family, when all she wanted was the closeness of a mothers arms she got to see her back as she walked away on a daily basis, when all you wanted was to be spoiled by your grandma and all you saw was a bottle in her hands instead of you. Countless men- coming in and out of my mothers lives…

\Transparency\

"You are more than empty beds and lonely nights, you are not just a heartbeat under bed sheets. You are complex and wonderful, beautiful and brilliant; please stop allowing the silence to dictate who you are. you are Christ's the same voice that awoke the world, calls you beloved, never ever forget that."
~ T.B LaBerge 


You know what happens when you abandon your passion? I'll tell you.

You become numb. Self centered. The spark for living disappears. Your existence merely becomes less than ordinary. You begin to see the world with horse blinders on; focusing only on the moment within the day and ignore everything around you.

As I am sitting in the quietness of my house, listening to the cars passing by, to the wind howling, and the random wooden creeks of the play set in my back yard- I reminisce on the driven heart I used have.
A heart that was full of thoughts beyond the present moment, beyond the self.

See, people go astray. We all get distracted by the things that…