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a mind of a twenty-something

"Sometimes I wish I wish I was 29 with my life figured  out & sometimes I wish I was 5 with my whole life ahead of me and not a care in the world."
- Reyna Biddy 

We're never happy, are we? No matter what age. I remember myself at twelve years old, wishing I was sixteen just so I could celebrate my sweet sixteen. I remember turning sixteen and wishing I was eighteen, just so I can be legally considered an adult. Eighteen rolled around and I wanted to be twenty because I had this foolish idea that in your twenties is when it all comes together; maybe it does later on..

Now that I am twenty something, I want to be that twelve year old girl in anticipation for her sweet sixteen. The simplicity of that life, I long for those days. 

Being in your twenties has be so glamorized and romanticized, its been portrayed that  this is where you figure  out what exactly you want to do, and then you accomplish it in just 4 years, you meet someone and then there comes marriage..and we know the rest. 

Reality check. NO. 

What really happens for some of us twenty-somethings, is that we get so spun around in this world and we lose the essence of who we are. We get so wrapped up in how things should be, we forget how things really are. We spend our time trying to live up to the expectations of being in your twenties, fulfilling the adventurous lifestyle that is expected. People say "Oh you're in your twenties, relax, and enjoy the ride." We keep saying, "oh we're young, we've got so much time until we have to be serious." Don't be fooled guys. 

It is in your twenties where life smacks you in the face harder than ever. It makes you sad actually, because all the lies and fairy tales you believed are all being crushed by the mundane. Life isn't as easy as I've always pictured it when I was twelve. You live on your own, you work full time, you still go to school, you pay bills, and you lay in your bed at night, all alone, because why? You have no time to truly live. The adventures? The spontaneity? They don't exist. 

I think that the reason why twenty-somethings crash and burn is because we've been fed this lie of how things are all sunshine and butterflies and you live happily ever after. I can't tell you how many people I don't talk to, I can't tell you how many times I've cancelled plans simply because I couldn't take being awake for another minute. I can't even begin to tell how dense my friendships have become. 

Don't even get me started on love. Love is like an entire different language to us. In our twenty-somethings, we fall so hard, and we break so fast. Because we're all on a search, and that search is tiresome. You get things wrong, you misunderstand, you ignore signs, you are gullible, naive and you get lost. Of course there is always a lesson to be learned..bur why oh why didn't we listen to our folks when they told us stories of their pasts? Why can't we learn from what we hear from them. In our twenties, we believe we are smarter than everyone, we believe that the heartache and pain is somehow unique and has never been felt before by anyone else but us. Guess what, this is exactly what my mother has told me..."guard your heart." I believe she meant that in all areas of my life. Guard it, so you don't believe all things at all times, because then you will fall for anything. Guard it, save it, so the right person, or the right situation can have a chance to make its way to you. 

Twenties-  I'd give absolutely anything to go back and live differently, do things differently, maybe even listen to my parents more...I'd go back in a heartbeat. 

While I can't, I want who ever is reading this, I want you to know and not be fooled. Be careful of what is being told to you about your twenties, heck even thirties, because honestly, no matter what age you are, you will never be happy with where you are, and that is so sad. 

Once you except things as how they're really are, its easier to move on. False hope, or false representation of reality will destroy you, will betray you, will break you and you'll spend the rest of your life putting in back together again. 


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