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No..I \will\ hope.

Here comes another cheesy, cliche and completely unoriginal thought from a twenty something...growing up. 

From the time we are born we are taught by our parents, peers, school, and society "the ways of life." Parents do their best to prepare us for every single difficult encounter we will face in life, they tell us about their mistakes in hopes of us not repeating them; which, ha lets face it we do. Not only do we repeat their mistakes, we also at times go above and beyond and do much worse. In high school, our peers or so called friends teach you lessons no one in the world can teach you; the value of friendships, your self worth, and courage. As far as society goes, well, it fails on so many levels. The way social media portrays us twenty somethings is utterly mediocre. Ninety five percent of shows and movies we watch in the span of growing up, gives us a false picture of a smooth sailing from high school right into college, with a wonderful and too good to be true significant other, with scholarships and a guaranteed view of self of where we belong. That's awesome. 

Reality. This age. The age I only dreamed of being when I was twelve. Thinking and foolishly hoping I'd have my life completely figured out. I won't speak for all young girls my age, however there are a pretty good percentage of girls who'd agree with me in saying that this is absolutely, by far, the hardest and most confusing time of our lives. To think that it will possibly, most likely get even worse as we grow up is horrifying. 

I keep seeing this quote that says "Don't grow up it's a trap" such accuracy. 

I'm sitting here in my room with my scentsy slightly lit beside me, with Blue Foundation playing in my ears and I think, as I always do, and I think to much I've been so told; however I can't stop. When did figuring out the rest of your life become not so blissful rather stressful? This was not a part of my plan. The worst thing about it all is thinking that I knew exactly what I wanted to do, and now I'm just looking around, I'm all of a sudden lost. 

This twenty something, can't for the life of her, decide anything in her life. Nothing is absolute to her. 

I've switched majors more than I can count, and in my mind I've pictured myself being so many different things, and then to add to all the confusion, I need my closest people in my life to guide me or push in the right direction. So what then? 

I applaud those who have it figured out. Quite frankly, I envy them. To be sure, to not question, and to live it out is one of the greatest thing I wish I possessed. Obviously, they all have done something right. 

However, as I write this, I'm reminded that everyone is wired different, every one is sent on different paths. Although my path seems more like a labyrinth, getting stuck in rooms and halls of my mind that I so badly want to get out, and when I feel like I know where I'm going I hit a wall. I know I'm supposed to look at a bigger picture of life, but for how long do you walk around hitting walls and not knocking, nor even breaking a brick? I hear this will make me stronger. Hopefully. 

I may sound as If I'm giving up or already have. No. Absolutely not. I write solely for the purpose of letting others like me know that they are not alone. I often times feel as if I'm the first one facing this, the confusion, the exhaustion of figuring out my future, and the fear of every possible thing that can go wrong. I write because thought that I speak to myself, I speak raw truths right back to myself; at times I'll read this back to myself and I realize, I myself am my best therapist. 

I'd like to have hope in fact that through all this, I'll end up where I'm supposed to be. no...I will have hope. There must be something more. I know God has something far greater than I have ever imagined for my life. I know he will continue to use this wandering in my life, and He will bring me to a place where I need to be. 

The end to my cheesiness, cliche and unoriginality until next time.  


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