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I never liked puzzles

It's dark and windy tonight. My shutters half way closed, I see a reflection of outside on my ceiling. I hear the wind blow in the trees, cars drive by and sometimes I see lights. However, it is so hauntingly quiet, and with no surprise my thoughts are louder than ever.

Have you ever felt as though things are about to change? You can't pin point it, can't imagine it, can't even trace it? As if something in you is being awakened?

I laid here, in my fluffy bed for about thirty minutes, and all that ran through my mind is the word "change."
It's terrifying, yet intriguing.

My life has been so all over the place these past couple of years, and even more so these past couple of months. So many changes within me, I can't even keep up.

I feel as though I'm unraveling. My own self was lost and piece by piece I'm putting myself back together again. I'm seeing so much of what does not fit, puzzle pieces that don't belong where I tried so hard to glue together. Some puzzle pieces that were once there, are missing entirely. I'm piecing it all together, and in the midst of it all I find my self drifting and struggling to fit certain things together that can't and I become angry, and frustrated. Why have a puzzle that has all the wrong pieces? I never liked puzzles.

Perhaps that's the change. Taking a step back and looking at a bigger picture and realizing that I've been doing it all wrong.

I think the lesson here is, change. Change will happen whether you like it or not. With your permission or not. Either you yourself change and one day you look back and are happy or sad with how you turned out. Or circumstances will change which naturally result in personal life change. It's inevitable.

No matter how big the change is, rediscover yourself. Be you. Find the most important puzzle piece there is, the piece that hold the whole thing together.

I will go back and lay my head down, look up at the ceiling again and accept whatever tomorrow brings. I will stand my ground and chose to be me and no one else.

You do so too.

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