Skip to main content

I never liked puzzles

It's dark and windy tonight. My shutters half way closed, I see a reflection of outside on my ceiling. I hear the wind blow in the trees, cars drive by and sometimes I see lights. However, it is so hauntingly quiet, and with no surprise my thoughts are louder than ever.

Have you ever felt as though things are about to change? You can't pin point it, can't imagine it, can't even trace it? As if something in you is being awakened?

I laid here, in my fluffy bed for about thirty minutes, and all that ran through my mind is the word "change."
It's terrifying, yet intriguing.

My life has been so all over the place these past couple of years, and even more so these past couple of months. So many changes within me, I can't even keep up.

I feel as though I'm unraveling. My own self was lost and piece by piece I'm putting myself back together again. I'm seeing so much of what does not fit, puzzle pieces that don't belong where I tried so hard to glue together. Some puzzle pieces that were once there, are missing entirely. I'm piecing it all together, and in the midst of it all I find my self drifting and struggling to fit certain things together that can't and I become angry, and frustrated. Why have a puzzle that has all the wrong pieces? I never liked puzzles.

Perhaps that's the change. Taking a step back and looking at a bigger picture and realizing that I've been doing it all wrong.

I think the lesson here is, change. Change will happen whether you like it or not. With your permission or not. Either you yourself change and one day you look back and are happy or sad with how you turned out. Or circumstances will change which naturally result in personal life change. It's inevitable.

No matter how big the change is, rediscover yourself. Be you. Find the most important puzzle piece there is, the piece that hold the whole thing together.

I will go back and lay my head down, look up at the ceiling again and accept whatever tomorrow brings. I will stand my ground and chose to be me and no one else.

You do so too.


Popular posts from this blog

It's real

Depression- the word is either used too much or not enough. 

Upon hearing that someone may be depressed, some just look the other way as if it's not real, as if it's a trend or not as bad as the guy next door. Some may treat it with medication, therapy, and may even suggest medidation. 

I heard a statistic from 2013, that 437 children die from cancer, that is one too many, and 4,600 individuals ages 10-24 will take their own lives. I am one hundred percent positive the numbers have increased since, sadly. So. Are we judging too quickly when some one may be depressed? Are we shrugging it off as if it's not a thing. Let me tell you something...

Unless you have mentally experienced the battles a depressed person fights- you have no say. Unless you have felt your own heart beat fasten it's pace because your lungs are trying to grasp for air due to heavy tear flow that became silent- you can not point fingers. Unless you felt the utter darkness that surrounds the mind and the …

I'm not proverbs thirty one

Have you ever read Proverbs 31? 

It describes a woman who is intimidating to me, yet I aspire to be. If you ever have time, read the chapter, if not, I'll break it down for you. In this chapter King Lemuel meaning "devoted to God" wrote a passage that was almost a perfect description of his mother, some say he was inspired by her wisdom. His mother, Bathsheba made her wisdom very evident when she was basically telling her son "not to fall into the trap of immorality, chasing after women will sap a king's strength. (Proverbs 31:3) I can only draw my own assumptions that Lemuel was inspired by that saying and wrote up a whole chapter based on what a woman of virtue should look like. I won't quote the chapter in this blog, although I must have read it three or four times tonight, and had it basically memorized at some point in high school, however I'll attempt to simplify with my such minuscule concoction of words.  

So, what is a Proverbs 31 woman? 
She is tr…

and the dust on my feet

From LAX to Dubai to Entebbe- here walking around in my beloved red dirt Uganda. Nothing seemed real until that plane brought me to this country. The plane wheels hit the ground and the tears started to roll down my cheeks. 

For so long, I have been so angry at God for giving this love for the nations, and then not opening any doors. Only to realize, that I needed growth, I needed to turn to Him fully, only to understand that He needed me somewhere else at the time. As I looked out the window through my teary eyes, I heard Him say "See, I got you back here." I felt a sense of relief, I felt as if this was what I needed from Him, to finally feel Him. 

Stepping out of the plane, the instant smell of Uganda hit my senses and my heart began to race. Feeling all sorts of emotions, I took my first step onto Uganda. My heart was full with joy. 

Getting all thirty of our checked in bags was already a challenge, patience was much needed. Sweat dripping down my neck, hunger in my tummy, …