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Showing posts from September, 2015

to the ones who created me.

I think of you. I think of you both. I think of you often. I remember your voices. I remember your smells. I remember your blue eyes, and I remember bear tight hugs. I remember your laughter, and I remember your tears. I remember the bottles in your hands, and I remember the belt above me hitting my bare body. I remember the postcards, and I remember the visits. I remember it all. 
I remember the nights spent alone. 

Most of all I remember the empty promises. I remember the absence. 

I've moved on. I've put you to rest. As I see your lives moved on, with wives and husbands and kids of your own, I ache and you don't even know. 

Father- you take your daughter to the zoo, to the beach and on fancy vacations. I remember the glimpses of you i saw in the hallways, I remember the back of your coat as you walked away. 

Mother- I see you with your step daughter, showering her with gifts. I remember the goodbyes I heard as you left me for days. 

I think of you. I think of you both. 


the feels.

I saw a photo this week and the quote was: 

person: so what music are you into?
me: are you sure you're ready for this conversation? 

If you know me well enough my life revolves around music, the feels, and melodies that sound a lot like heartbreak. I love to read between the lines, and some may say I do too much of that. What I love the most about music is hearing the voices, the tones: the falsettos, vibratos, sopranos and the emotion they each carry. I love when artists lay it all out on the table, the rawness of their melodies speak volumes. 

Music is what typically gets me through my days, sounds that put words to my feelings. Music has a tendency to validate my inner self, pin points my confusions, and gives me solutions. Any song I hear, I fall in love with at least a lyric, a piece of me always connects and relates. 

Melody. The melody of certain songs grabs me and drags me through the various ups and downs, from the highest pitch to the lowest run.  Melody and rhythm of the so…

What if you just let it be

A friend of mine once said "we are always stuck with the what if's." She elaborated more on it resonated with me. 

She explained that there are three kinds of 'what if's' in life, one is a "what if" of the past. What if we've done something different along our paths, what if we did this, and we did that. What would our lives look like now? Then there's a "what if" of the present; what if the things I chose to do now have bad consequences, or what if the people I choose to be around only deteriorate me from my own growth? The final "what if" is future, what if certain things don't pan out how you think they will, what if they go terribly wrong, what if we compromise so much in life, that it will literally be a lesson we learn the rest of our lives. 

There's no escape. 'What if's' are going to haunt you all the time. What we choose to do with them, will change the course of our lives, our growth, our relat…

it's okay

Ever look around and notice everyone else is moving forward but you, perhaps you're stuck and the time is just getting away from you but not everyone else. 

Well, stop looking at everyone else then. Do everything at your own pace. So what you're "stuck." What is that anyway? Who's definition are you using? Are you going off of someone else's success? Or is the world telling you where you should be by now? Quit it. 

No one knows you better than you know yourself. No one knows the baggage you have to always carry with you, no one even has a darn clue how long its going to take you to heal, grow, and move on. You learn when you need to learn, when everything in you begins to thirst for more, that's when you know you're ready for the next move. But take your darn time doing so, quit rushing and thinking you're supposed to be this person by a certain age, or having a certain job or any of that. You are your own unique being, your own person you're su…