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He awaits

“We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”


― C.S. Lewis


I was sitting in church today and the pastor quoted one of my favorite authors, and I can't get it out of my head. 

Transparently speaking, the sole reason we don't let go of things, people, and situations is because we are afraid of pain. We doubt His goodness and His promises, that He will heal. We doubt that He understands, sees, and feels what we feel. We doubt that He actually wants what's good for us. We throw away His plan for our lives and hang on to things that we know we can't bare to let go of. What if God has something better? Yes, the process might be so tragically painful, so unbearable, the path might be so foggy, so unclear and so ever confusing. But what if we took a leap, a risk, a chance to trust that He actually is a good God who loves so much that He only wants to relieve us of the pain within and draw us closer to His healing embrace? 

I sat there, in a cold room, I heard those words being said loudly by the pastor, and I felt myself loosening my grip of things I've held close. I felt myself release doubt and something within me led to this vaguely familiar feeling...

Trust. Trust Him. No doubting. I'm the clay, He is the potter, if I just trust, He won't have to come and clean up my nasty messes, if I don't fight the spin of the wheel, maybe people around me will smile more, stress less, and see Him through me. If only I just relinquish the death grips I have on things that are not meant for me, maybe God will mold me a new heart that will only draw people closer to Him. Maybe if I learn of the kind of love Paul spoke of to the Corinthians, I would actually learn how to love people. 

So let's not doubt His good plan, let's not doubt His pottery. 

He awaits my fall, He awaits my trust, and I release my doubts.  

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