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Showing posts from September, 2016

I come. I enter.

I can't unsee the seen, and unhear what I heard. 

Upon hearing that we will be doing a hospital visit, I was undecided whether I wanted to go or not. I didn't know if my heart could handle it. I battled myself, and then my best friend told me, I'd regret not going. 
I prayed and prayed. I woke up this morning and decided to go. 
I was told to hold my emotions in, for it is of no help for mothers to see me more upset then them. It doesn't comfort them in any way. I prayed for strength. 
I walked into the waiting room of the hospital, as the nurse was leading us through. Little eyes were on us, desperate eyes of the mothers were on us. 
The hospital is solely for children, funded by the government, which means it isn't funded very well. Doctors are so very few and even fewer nurses. Not everyone at the hospital has been attended to medically, the hospital doesn't provide food simply because there is no funds for that nor time to even prepare the food. 
The kids are tak…

shattered pieces of my heart

"break my heart for what breaks yours.." 

A song we sing at church. Are we crazy to sing a song that literally asks God to break our hearts for what breaks His? 

I've been on a lot of trips before, visiting the poverty, seeing the starving eyes, and holding the sickest of babies. Each trip opens my eyes more and more, and breaks my heart even on a greater scale. 

Today was a hard day for me. So many times during the day I wanted to burst into tears, I felt helpless, I felt and overwhelming wave of so much heartbreak, I think I actually heard my heart shatter to pieces. 

During worship, having a baby tied to my back the Ugandan style, I stood in front of the crowd and watched these kids barefoot, dirty clothes, teared t-shirts jump up and down praising God. In my mind I think "what do you have to praise them for?" Then Janet's words resonated "If you're alive, that is a reason in itself to be praising God." I had tears rolling down my face as I clo…

and the dust on my feet

From LAX to Dubai to Entebbe- here walking around in my beloved red dirt Uganda. Nothing seemed real until that plane brought me to this country. The plane wheels hit the ground and the tears started to roll down my cheeks. 

For so long, I have been so angry at God for giving this love for the nations, and then not opening any doors. Only to realize, that I needed growth, I needed to turn to Him fully, only to understand that He needed me somewhere else at the time. As I looked out the window through my teary eyes, I heard Him say "See, I got you back here." I felt a sense of relief, I felt as if this was what I needed from Him, to finally feel Him. 

Stepping out of the plane, the instant smell of Uganda hit my senses and my heart began to race. Feeling all sorts of emotions, I took my first step onto Uganda. My heart was full with joy. 

Getting all thirty of our checked in bags was already a challenge, patience was much needed. Sweat dripping down my neck, hunger in my tummy, …