Skip to main content

brokenness aside

My writing always has been unapologetic, transparent, and explicitly honest. I don't believe in writing for people, I write for me. I write what I feel right there and then, I don't plan to write, I write to make sense of what's in my personal jungle of a brain. 

So here. 

Worthless. A word I've been believing for far too long. I need a new perspective. Sometimes we may feel stuck, wrapped up in our own little bundle of emotions and we hold our brokenness in the palms of our hands and we just sit there without a clue of how to deal. The longer we sit and hold those pieces, the more we allow them to define who we are. With all that I am, with boldness and confidence believe that, I am not meant to hold those pieces, I am not made to believe that my mistakes are who I am, I am not. I will not. 

I am meant to know who I am, and the only way I can do that is to meet Jesus at the cross. The only way I can loosen the grip I have on my shattered heart is if He meets me there. The only way I can believe that I'm meant for so much more is if He tells me. Human words are beautiful, but His truths are majestic. 

For a while, I have been focusing so much on what's been done to me, and I dissect and question every aspect of my life. I'm not meant to know, not until I meet Him face to face. Right now, all I know is I am not meant to carry mountains, simply climb them. 

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, the purpose of my life, is to love Him and love others. There is no room for believing my own personal lies, they completely steer me away from my purpose and they only pull me into myself more and more. I can't. I can't take my eyes off of God for any longer. 

I'll fight my battles, God-just meet me in the midst. 

I'm all about poems, writings, and quotes that perfectly describe my heart, tonight I came across a beautiful script:

"I'd rather die whispering Your name, than live an empty life shouting my own."

Drop the lies. Get on with it already. Take your pity self to the Cross, give it all over to Him, and believe what He has made you to be, worthy to die for...because He did. That must mean something. 



Don't sit there in your brokenness, don't let your heart turn to stone. That's tragic. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I'm not proverbs thirty one

Have you ever read Proverbs 31? 

It describes a woman who is intimidating to me, yet I aspire to be. If you ever have time, read the chapter, if not, I'll break it down for you. In this chapter King Lemuel meaning "devoted to God" wrote a passage that was almost a perfect description of his mother, some say he was inspired by her wisdom. His mother, Bathsheba made her wisdom very evident when she was basically telling her son "not to fall into the trap of immorality, chasing after women will sap a king's strength. (Proverbs 31:3) I can only draw my own assumptions that Lemuel was inspired by that saying and wrote up a whole chapter based on what a woman of virtue should look like. I won't quote the chapter in this blog, although I must have read it three or four times tonight, and had it basically memorized at some point in high school, however I'll attempt to simplify with my such minuscule concoction of words.  

So, what is a Proverbs 31 woman? 
She is tr…

and the dust on my feet

From LAX to Dubai to Entebbe- here walking around in my beloved red dirt Uganda. Nothing seemed real until that plane brought me to this country. The plane wheels hit the ground and the tears started to roll down my cheeks. 

For so long, I have been so angry at God for giving this love for the nations, and then not opening any doors. Only to realize, that I needed growth, I needed to turn to Him fully, only to understand that He needed me somewhere else at the time. As I looked out the window through my teary eyes, I heard Him say "See, I got you back here." I felt a sense of relief, I felt as if this was what I needed from Him, to finally feel Him. 

Stepping out of the plane, the instant smell of Uganda hit my senses and my heart began to race. Feeling all sorts of emotions, I took my first step onto Uganda. My heart was full with joy. 

Getting all thirty of our checked in bags was already a challenge, patience was much needed. Sweat dripping down my neck, hunger in my tummy, …

shattered pieces of my heart

"break my heart for what breaks yours.." 

A song we sing at church. Are we crazy to sing a song that literally asks God to break our hearts for what breaks His? 

I've been on a lot of trips before, visiting the poverty, seeing the starving eyes, and holding the sickest of babies. Each trip opens my eyes more and more, and breaks my heart even on a greater scale. 

Today was a hard day for me. So many times during the day I wanted to burst into tears, I felt helpless, I felt and overwhelming wave of so much heartbreak, I think I actually heard my heart shatter to pieces. 

During worship, having a baby tied to my back the Ugandan style, I stood in front of the crowd and watched these kids barefoot, dirty clothes, teared t-shirts jump up and down praising God. In my mind I think "what do you have to praise them for?" Then Janet's words resonated "If you're alive, that is a reason in itself to be praising God." I had tears rolling down my face as I clo…